What is Parallel Parenting?

Parallel parenting is a strategy for high-conflict situations where parents:

Minimise direct contact with each other

Disengage from each other's parenting

Each parent independently when children are in their care

Unlike co-parenting (collaborative), parallel parenting (separate but simultaneous).

When It's Appropriate

Signs You Need Parallel Parenting

- Every interaction becomes a conflict

Children are caught in the middle

Communication is used as ammunition

Co-parenting attempts consistently fail

One or both parents can't manage emotions

Who Benefits

- Children (shielded from parental conflict)

Parents (reduced stress and conflict)

The overall family dynamic

Key Principles

1. Minimal Contact

- Use written communication only (email, apps)

Avoid phone calls

Handovers without conversation (public places, school)

2. Business-Like Communication

- Facts only - no emotions, accusations, or history

Short, informative, friendly, firm (BIFF)

Don't respond to provocations

3. Clear Boundaries

- Detailed schedules (minimal need for discussion)

Each parent makes decisions in their time

Only communicate about essentials

4. Independence

- Don't critique the other parent's choices

Accept different rules at different houses

Focus on your own parenting

Setting Up Parallel Parenting

The Parenting Plan

Should include:

Very detailed schedules

Specific handover arrangements

Communication method specified

Decision-making allocation

Process for essential communications

Communication Tools

Consider apps designed for high-conflict:

OurFamilyWizard

Talking Parents

AppClose

These create records and reduce conflict.

Handovers

- At school/childcare when possible

Public places (library, shopping centre)

Brief, businesslike, no conversation

What Parallel Parenting Is NOT

- An excuse to exclude the other parent

Zero communication ever

Permission to badmouth the other parent

Permanent (you may move to co-parenting later)

Moving Forward

As conflict reduces over time, some families transition from parallel parenting to more collaborative co-parenting.

Parallel Parenting: A Strategy for High-Conflict Situations